From relatively new people or old? New people might require more time to get to know him as he truly is. Old people have no such excuse. I assume he is taking it to heart and being hard on himself?
[ Lexa is observant and she watches people constantly, Stephen Strange included. She knows his type.]
I was glad to see Damin's name again. I remember this is something he cared about so I'll include him.
As far as I can tell, it's no one new who's chosen to avoid both Red Wings and Stephen himself because of what the gods made him do there. I can understand it for some, but the fact of the matter is that he's now been hurt because of it by one of our own.
[Thus justifying some choices Clarke made while he was still gone.]
Thanks. I think you two will get along well when I'm not a factor involved. Just don't be insulted if he isn't pleased with me.
[She recalls what Lexa said about Castiel. Even if Clarke doesn't see the similarities between the two herself, she won't keep Lexa from her first actual friendship in her life. And she knows that, to some degree, that's what it is.]
It was Dean. But a number of others have avoided the place since he got back. Unlike us, Stephen didn't choose to make those choices.
I can't say I'm surprised. Dean is aggressive and immature. He reminds me of our trainees before they mature into real warriors. But you know where my loyalties are. I would aim right between his eyes if you wanted me to.
[ At the sacrifice of her only real friendship, yes, but Lexa will always put Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy before anyone else. She may not be close to the other two, but they are still her people. ]
Stephen is choosing to let their prejudices hurt him when he knows it is unfair and illogical. He'll have to make his own peace in order to move on.
You have it wrong. I'm the one who's worried about their prejudices. Stephen understands the source of it all too well, and I think it's unfair. He didn't choose to be a Cardinal. Time and time again, I've made sure that everyone thinks that "Wanheda" is the right name for me.
I wouldn't ask you to hurt him, though. But the sentiment is clear. Some people have quit. Others have stayed away. The common factor seems to be Stephen.
None of us chose what we were there. You told me that we have to accept both versions as a part of us now. By that logic, Stephen is both as well. I don't say that to imply he deserves it, more that maybe he'd find it more helpful to talk through his feelings about what happened in the Aerie rather than being absolved.
I'm not absolving him. I'm asking that people don't hurt and abandon him.
When I said that, I meant it as a way for us to accept what we'd gone through, and how it would stick with us. The Clarke in the Aerie wasn't me because she wasn't a leader, but the Clarke in the Aerie was me because she suffered the loss of both her parents. Do you understand?
He needs someone who can see him for who he is, not for what a god forced him to be.
I'm suggesting you might want to ask him directly what he needs. Maybe he does need support and reminders he's not that person, which you can give because it's true. Maybe he needs to talk about how it has affected him and if he's struggling with his memories. We didn't lead lives that we're ashamed of, but Stephen tries to be a good and moral man. People acting cruelly to him is a problem that can be challenged when it happens, but if he himself believes that he deserves it and accepts it, that's a different problem.
He is lucky to have you as a friend, Clarke. Whatever I can do to help with the situation I will. I won't let people speak cruelly of him in my presence either.
[It's odd to see Lexa speak of family at all. Obviously, they have in the context of hers, but to bring it up here, like this, is different. A change.
She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
Having good reasons doesn't change the damage done, as we both know. I'm glad to hear he was able to understand that. It must be a relief, for someone to know outside of us, and to still accept you. He just went up significantly in my estimation.
He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]
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[ Lexa is observant and she watches people constantly, Stephen Strange included. She knows his type.]
I was glad to see Damin's name again. I remember this is something he cared about so I'll include him.
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[Thus justifying some choices Clarke made while he was still gone.]
Thanks. I think you two will get along well when I'm not a factor involved. Just don't be insulted if he isn't pleased with me.
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I only attack people who insult you in my mind, don't worry. Unless of course you'd like to aim me at someone.
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[She recalls what Lexa said about Castiel. Even if Clarke doesn't see the similarities between the two herself, she won't keep Lexa from her first actual friendship in her life. And she knows that, to some degree, that's what it is.]
It was Dean. But a number of others have avoided the place since he got back. Unlike us, Stephen didn't choose to make those choices.
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[ At the sacrifice of her only real friendship, yes, but Lexa will always put Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy before anyone else. She may not be close to the other two, but they are still her people. ]
Stephen is choosing to let their prejudices hurt him when he knows it is unfair and illogical. He'll have to make his own peace in order to move on.
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I wouldn't ask you to hurt him, though. But the sentiment is clear. Some people have quit. Others have stayed away. The common factor seems to be Stephen.
I'm not happy with it.
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When I said that, I meant it as a way for us to accept what we'd gone through, and how it would stick with us. The Clarke in the Aerie wasn't me because she wasn't a leader, but the Clarke in the Aerie was me because she suffered the loss of both her parents. Do you understand?
He needs someone who can see him for who he is, not for what a god forced him to be.
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Well, the good news is that I'm already doing that.
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Strangely, I don't think of him as a friend really. We are, but we've been here together since the beginning. It hasn't always been easy, either.
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She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
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He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]