None of us chose what we were there. You told me that we have to accept both versions as a part of us now. By that logic, Stephen is both as well. I don't say that to imply he deserves it, more that maybe he'd find it more helpful to talk through his feelings about what happened in the Aerie rather than being absolved.
I'm not absolving him. I'm asking that people don't hurt and abandon him.
When I said that, I meant it as a way for us to accept what we'd gone through, and how it would stick with us. The Clarke in the Aerie wasn't me because she wasn't a leader, but the Clarke in the Aerie was me because she suffered the loss of both her parents. Do you understand?
He needs someone who can see him for who he is, not for what a god forced him to be.
I'm suggesting you might want to ask him directly what he needs. Maybe he does need support and reminders he's not that person, which you can give because it's true. Maybe he needs to talk about how it has affected him and if he's struggling with his memories. We didn't lead lives that we're ashamed of, but Stephen tries to be a good and moral man. People acting cruelly to him is a problem that can be challenged when it happens, but if he himself believes that he deserves it and accepts it, that's a different problem.
He is lucky to have you as a friend, Clarke. Whatever I can do to help with the situation I will. I won't let people speak cruelly of him in my presence either.
[It's odd to see Lexa speak of family at all. Obviously, they have in the context of hers, but to bring it up here, like this, is different. A change.
She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
Having good reasons doesn't change the damage done, as we both know. I'm glad to hear he was able to understand that. It must be a relief, for someone to know outside of us, and to still accept you. He just went up significantly in my estimation.
He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]
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When I said that, I meant it as a way for us to accept what we'd gone through, and how it would stick with us. The Clarke in the Aerie wasn't me because she wasn't a leader, but the Clarke in the Aerie was me because she suffered the loss of both her parents. Do you understand?
He needs someone who can see him for who he is, not for what a god forced him to be.
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Well, the good news is that I'm already doing that.
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Strangely, I don't think of him as a friend really. We are, but we've been here together since the beginning. It hasn't always been easy, either.
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She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
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He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]