He is lucky to have you as a friend, Clarke. Whatever I can do to help with the situation I will. I won't let people speak cruelly of him in my presence either.
[It's odd to see Lexa speak of family at all. Obviously, they have in the context of hers, but to bring it up here, like this, is different. A change.
She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
Having good reasons doesn't change the damage done, as we both know. I'm glad to hear he was able to understand that. It must be a relief, for someone to know outside of us, and to still accept you. He just went up significantly in my estimation.
He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]
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Strangely, I don't think of him as a friend really. We are, but we've been here together since the beginning. It hasn't always been easy, either.
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She knows better than to remark on it.]
My people. But not my family, not yet. Things have started to change since he got back.
[A pause in typing.]
I told him about what I did back home. All of it. I've alluded to it with others, and they've always been quick to say I must have my reasons.
But you know as well as I do that it's never that simple. Instead of treating it that way, he accepted what I did.
[It was, she realizes now, a relief. To feel as if someone saw her, rather than to live in fear that someone idealized her. That isn't fair to others, either. But Clarke's own self-esteem makes it easier for her to take certain reactions and place them above others. It's just like how she puts many people on a pedestal. Even Lexa, but only in her memories. The reality of her is much better. It's better that they're equals.]
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He's made hard decisions like the ones we've had to make. It's why he's able to put himself through so much here. He isn't kind to himself because of that, even if he's not fully aware of it. I think he's trying to get there, though.
[If only it were as easy for her. But she's accepted this about herself, and all she can try to do is be better. The mantra has slipped away from her since she learned of her mother's death. Clarke isn't sure she can reclaim it just yet.]