strove | INBOX ( meadowlark )

That doesn't surprise me.

No, though if I knew, I wouldn't have fought it so hard.

[Losing her body and mind to someone else is kind of a sore point for Clarke.

Unfortunately, it's at the bottom of the list of things that feel important here. The very bottom.]

Did you have kids before, Jack? Before ... you went there.

I brought Daisy back and she tried to fight me too. I just had a way around it.

[ It was probably only a matter of time before someone asked that question, and boy, he doesn't want to talk about it at all. But Clarke also had a kid in Zerzura, who he's assuming was also fake, so if there's anyone to talk to about this, it's her. ]

No, no kids. I'm assuming it's the same for you.

[ She's so young. ]

No, Madi is very real.

[Clarke is certain that's part of what makes being thrown from the fantasy so hard. She wants to be with her daughter, to be able to protect her and be there for her. She slipped into that persona so easily, able to call upon her worst instincts.

Do everything for Madi, and fuck everything else.

It felt right.

But it wasn't in the spirit of doing better. Of balancing her protection for Madi and her protection for all her people. For all people. No single person can come first.]

She's twelve. I didn't know about her when ... before I left, but she's a big part of why I want to help this world.

I want to bring my people here.

[No reason to hide it.]

[ Wanting to settle here along with her people from home is something that Clarke's made no secret of, announcing it on the network. They hadn't talked about it back then, as Jack remains squarely in the "get home" camp, but...

She has a daughter. That's something he never would have guessed. ]

What do you mean, you didn't know about her?

[ He's guessing this isn't a strictly traditional parent-child situation. ]

Most of the people in my world went into hiding when the second apocalypse hit. Anyone who couldn't fit into those confines died, with the exception of those who had the black blood. You've seen that and had it explained to you. When I first came here, I came from a time when I didn't know Madi existed. I thought I had five (it turned out to be six) years alone without anyone. But once I "went back," Madi was there.

We were the only two survivors. Madi was born with the black blood—which is a rare genetic chance because of the biological changes in her ancestor's bodies many decades prior. So, she survived.

I came to think of her as my daughter.

[Though, yes, if anyone did the math, they would only find about a twelve year difference between Clarke and Madi.]

[ So not her actual daughter. This is the first time that Jack's gathered just how awful things got for Clarke back home, but he hadn't had chance to talk with her since her trip back. It must be bizarre to have ended up back in New Amsterdam after spending six years back home.

Either way, it explains why she wants to bring all of her people here, if her world is basically a ruin. ]

So it was only the two of you for all those years? How did you survive?

[ This is much preferable to talking about his own lack of a family. ]

Madi is from a clan called Shallow Valley. That was the only part of the entire planet that wasn't burned, and it's where she survived alone for around fifty days until I found her.

It was a plush green land. There were some birds and fish that made it through.

Honestly, surviving that was the easy part.

[Living off the land was simple. Clarke can't make it sound hard.

That isn't to say it wasn't hard. Being apart from Bellamy and her mom, as well as all of her friends.

But she had Madi to keep her focused.]

What was the hard part?

[ Jack can already guess, but it seems like the natural thing to ask here, and it's not like Clarke is the sort of person who's going to talk about something if she doesn't want to. ]

Coming here was a revelation. When I first got here, I had two of my friends, but they disappeared before too long. But I had other people. A city full of them.

Having just Madi wasn't good for me.

[It wasn't good for Madi in the aftermath, either.]

I don't think that would be good for anyone, to be fair.

No.

But I think when you factor in human nature—how long do you think it took me to figure that out?

[Clarke figures that Jack will have a proper answer for that. It's mostly rhetorical. "Too long." Isn't that always the answer to questions like that?]

Either way, that means that reconciling what I've lost in returning here isn't as difficult. I've had someone I've loved, too, and I've lost her. I guess I got off lucky.

Unlike you, I mean.

You're saying that it's easier for you to deal with because you've been through it before? I kind of find that hard to believe. Seems like it's adding insult to injury.

No. Not quite that. I know where Madi is. I can reconcile that. Even if that version of me failed to save that world, I know where my daughter is right now.

That's something I can ground myself in, something more real.