i want someone to know all my worst traits and still love me for who i am does that count
[ too honest? yes
but also not all that honest because the truth is that she wants someone who accepts that she lies and manipulates, who accepts her despite that, someone who knows that she does it for good reasons.
Some part of me clearly wants that again, too, or else it wouldn't have been a part of my experience there.
[Clarke doesn't use the word "again" so casually. It isn't Madi that is more surprising from what she had there. It's Octavia. Someone who's committed atrocities on the same level as Clarke, but understands that those things happen and doesn't judge for it. Who loves her regardless.
It's not a surprise that it would be Octavia there. Clarke needed that from her best friend, and had it when it was Lexa.]
We have to accept both the good and bad of what came from those fantasies.
[Funnily enough, the big thing that Zerzura showed Clarke was how to handle peace. She hadn't done it well with just Madi, but Clarke knows she can't just live with Madi. She has to be doing things, has to have a purpose and a drive.]
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why?
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It's easy for Clarke to dig in, to rip herself apart as cruelly as possible.]
I had a wife and a daughter that I couldn't give up. Obviously, I didn't remember who I used to be.
But I don't think it was that out of character for me.
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what choice would you have made if you'd remembered?
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If there was any chance that Zerzura was real, we owed it to them to try.
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although i won't argue that your actions under the influence of the fantasy do, too
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does that count
[ too honest? yes
but also not all that honest because the truth is that she wants someone who accepts that she lies and manipulates, who accepts her despite that, someone who knows that she does it for good reasons.
she'd had that, with marcos, in the fantasy. ]
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[Clarke doesn't use the word "again" so casually. It isn't Madi that is more surprising from what she had there. It's Octavia. Someone who's committed atrocities on the same level as Clarke, but understands that those things happen and doesn't judge for it. Who loves her regardless.
It's not a surprise that it would be Octavia there. Clarke needed that from her best friend, and had it when it was Lexa.]
We have to accept both the good and bad of what came from those fantasies.
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even if the fantasies weren't real, it still happened to us
so it was real enough
[ bobbi notices that "again". files it away, but doesn't ask, doesn't press. ]
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What now?
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living our lives here, trying to unravel the mysteries of this place
[ what else is there? what else can they do ]
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I don't think we should do that. Or not only that.
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It's about actually knowing that it's okay to feel something from what we've experienced.
If not there than anything we've been through as a group.
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of living
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It just feels like it should be something more.
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[ by checking in with people. by being there for them. by asking them to be there for her, on occasion.
she's not sure that's what clarke means, though. ]
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I guess knowing what I want out of life is new. I usually don't have any idea.
Zerzura wasn't exactly enlightening for me when it came to that.
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Like twenty minutes of it.]
Peace.
[Not deep, but Clarke realizes it's why she wanted to give up, and why she even would in the first place.]
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bobbi herself doesn't want peace, not really. she knows herself; she'd find trouble. but she wants people to be all right, to be happy. ]
i hope you find it
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Well, I'm working on it.