I laid down the terms of my agreeing to help you, you tore them up and told me this would only work if you got what you wanted when you wanted it because you're a leader and you know best. So no, it's not going to work. And yes, it is because you're immovable.
You've got a lot of adjusting to do before I'll be willing to risk investing time in you.
[Breathe. She doesn't audibly do that, but she does take a moment to count to five.
She won't fight back. She wants to, but there's no point in it. That won't help anyone, and she can see where the misunderstanding happened.]
This is how I'm used to handling things, Stephen. ["Back home" goes unspoken. Clarke doesn't use the L word again, not here.
She's calmer in her tone, less likely to seep agitation. Clarke has always been able to swallow that down when asked. Or when she sees that she needs to. She's not completely unreasonable, she just refuses to beg for his tutelage.]
I'm starting to think that you're the same. Fine. But this is twice now that you've told me what I'll do and what I'll learn. Once was during a crisis. This isn't a crisis. Not an immediate one. [A long-term crisis? Yes. Absolutely.]
What I've been telling you is that there's no point in our wasting time with me teaching you the basics when the basics aren't going to get us even close to you understanding any data we collect, let alone being able to do anything useful with it.
I'm telling what you need to do and what you need to learn if you want this to work. As somebody who has this knowledge and has experienced learning it to someone who hasn't and wishes to learn. And as somebody who has limited time and a lot more that I need to do with it than dedicate every waking second to getting you anywhere near to up to speed.
[ this is more than he was given when he was last desperate to learn - which is fair, he thinks. given that he wanted selfishly and she wants for the sake of others... to a point. so he could've just shut the door and waited to see how much she'd want to be let back in, but he's pretty sure she's still a child. the age they'd usually be starting college, and if her world weren't whatever mess it is and she weren't here instead, maybe she would be. patience (with a few cracks, he's never really been a teacher before) is fine. he can give her that much.
but wires have crossed somewhere along the way and she's got a couple of things into her head that aren't in his. ]
You're not part of my contingency plans. There are biologists here, other scientists, a genius or two, and that's just the people who came from my world. Somebody here has healing blood now, there's a decent selection of people who have some experience with medical care even if they're less forthcoming with offering it to others than you've been. You don't have to do any of this. There are other people who are capable and will step up to the mark, some of them with knowledge bases that are either transferable or will make teaching them a lot easier than it'll make teaching you.
You're not my priority, but you do want to learn. Because you want to be able to help. [ and because she's started something she wants to be able to carry through and finish ] I'd like to help you make that happen, because you're right, the more of us who can carry this forward if things go south, the better. But I can't help you if you're not willing to take instruction. Not because I'm stubborn or am used to being in control but because I can't teach you without you giving up a little of yours. And I can't waste time trying until you're able to see that.
[There's no way to make him see her perspective. Standing uselessly, making lists of who gets to live or die, trying to figure out whose genetics would be more favorable if they needed to create the next generation of humanity. She's stood there uselessly while they've tried to come up with ideas. She's stood there uselessly deciding who lives and who dies, while Murphy screams at her to not do the exact thing she has to do. She's stood there uselessly while her mother and Raven started having hallucinations and seizures to follow.
It's not just that. In all of it, she's come up with decisions. Been forced to do it. She has to do it now, for Murphy and Bellamy. And he's outright telling her he intends to exclude her. That he intends to be her teacher and nothing more. That's how she sees it.
It tells her that he undoubtedly sees her as a child. It digs into a wound not necessarily associated with that, but of being sent down to the Earth, told to survive, and then told to stand back. Let others do what needed to be done. It hits a nerve.
Fine.
It means she learns, but only works with him in name only.]
[ it's something. accept isn't really the word for what she's doing, he can hear it in her voice - it's a concession of necessity. but now that she's given it, an indication that she's willing to defer where he needs her to and put the work in where he can't, he can give a little in return.
God knows he understands how it feels to be shut out. given parts but not the whole.
there's no good or thank you. she's not happy with how this is gone and he's not going to rub it in. ]
If you want to prioritise research, I can try to bring you in during testing so you can follow the process. I can't promise to be a great teacher while I'm working, but you seem pretty intent on the learn-by-doing method, so that shouldn't be a problem. Shadowing never hurt anyone.
[ he's every faith he personally is going to Hate It, but he can get over that. ]
[That's a concession and she recognizes it as such. She's glad that he's willing to bend, but a part of her has already decided not to rely on him. He'll help her. Aid her. But he won't be the source for what she needs. Clarke is willful enough to find another way. She has no choice.
This arrangement seems too fragile to be the final one.]
I know you see me as a petulant child trying to learn, but I do have some experience with this kind of apprenticeship. It won't be an issue.
[She'll shadow, but not nag. The issue is that he seems to misunderstand her approach to things. Fair, he barely knows her, and it's not like either of them have the credentials to prove their competency. Or why they might do anything in the first place.]
I see you as assertive. But I can change my mind if you'd prefer.
[ ask and ye shall receive on the petulant child score.
it's unfair - she's just trying to clarify her position, make it crystal clear that she won't get in the way. which is good. fine. and now would be a good time for them to go their separate ways for the time being. he's sure she's had about enough of talking to him, too. ]
I think that wraps us up. I'll wait for your schedule and we'll see where we land.
[Clarke doesn't have a lot of experience with communication like this. Conversations tend to be abrupt, more exacting. There's a purpose to talking over a two-way device back home. It's to relay coordinates. Update about the movement of troops. And more.]
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no subject
You've got a lot of adjusting to do before I'll be willing to risk investing time in you.
no subject
She won't fight back. She wants to, but there's no point in it. That won't help anyone, and she can see where the misunderstanding happened.]
This is how I'm used to handling things, Stephen. ["Back home" goes unspoken. Clarke doesn't use the L word again, not here.
She's calmer in her tone, less likely to seep agitation. Clarke has always been able to swallow that down when asked. Or when she sees that she needs to. She's not completely unreasonable, she just refuses to beg for his tutelage.]
I'm starting to think that you're the same. Fine. But this is twice now that you've told me what I'll do and what I'll learn. Once was during a crisis. This isn't a crisis. Not an immediate one. [A long-term crisis? Yes. Absolutely.]
no subject
I'm telling what you need to do and what you need to learn if you want this to work. As somebody who has this knowledge and has experienced learning it to someone who hasn't and wishes to learn. And as somebody who has limited time and a lot more that I need to do with it than dedicate every waking second to getting you anywhere near to up to speed.
[ this is more than he was given when he was last desperate to learn - which is fair, he thinks. given that he wanted selfishly and she wants for the sake of others... to a point. so he could've just shut the door and waited to see how much she'd want to be let back in, but he's pretty sure she's still a child. the age they'd usually be starting college, and if her world weren't whatever mess it is and she weren't here instead, maybe she would be. patience (with a few cracks, he's never really been a teacher before) is fine. he can give her that much.
but wires have crossed somewhere along the way and she's got a couple of things into her head that aren't in his. ]
You're not part of my contingency plans. There are biologists here, other scientists, a genius or two, and that's just the people who came from my world. Somebody here has healing blood now, there's a decent selection of people who have some experience with medical care even if they're less forthcoming with offering it to others than you've been. You don't have to do any of this. There are other people who are capable and will step up to the mark, some of them with knowledge bases that are either transferable or will make teaching them a lot easier than it'll make teaching you.
You're not my priority, but you do want to learn. Because you want to be able to help. [ and because she's started something she wants to be able to carry through and finish ] I'd like to help you make that happen, because you're right, the more of us who can carry this forward if things go south, the better. But I can't help you if you're not willing to take instruction. Not because I'm stubborn or am used to being in control but because I can't teach you without you giving up a little of yours. And I can't waste time trying until you're able to see that.
no subject
It's not just that. In all of it, she's come up with decisions. Been forced to do it. She has to do it now, for Murphy and Bellamy. And he's outright telling her he intends to exclude her. That he intends to be her teacher and nothing more. That's how she sees it.
It tells her that he undoubtedly sees her as a child. It digs into a wound not necessarily associated with that, but of being sent down to the Earth, told to survive, and then told to stand back. Let others do what needed to be done. It hits a nerve.
Fine.
It means she learns, but only works with him in name only.]
I accept your terms.
no subject
God knows he understands how it feels to be shut out. given parts but not the whole.
there's no good or thank you. she's not happy with how this is gone and he's not going to rub it in. ]
If you want to prioritise research, I can try to bring you in during testing so you can follow the process. I can't promise to be a great teacher while I'm working, but you seem pretty intent on the learn-by-doing method, so that shouldn't be a problem. Shadowing never hurt anyone.
[ he's every faith he personally is going to Hate It, but he can get over that. ]
no subject
This arrangement seems too fragile to be the final one.]
I know you see me as a petulant child trying to learn, but I do have some experience with this kind of apprenticeship. It won't be an issue.
[She'll shadow, but not nag. The issue is that he seems to misunderstand her approach to things. Fair, he barely knows her, and it's not like either of them have the credentials to prove their competency. Or why they might do anything in the first place.]
no subject
I see you as assertive. But I can change my mind if you'd prefer.
[ ask and ye shall receive on the petulant child score.
it's unfair - she's just trying to clarify her position, make it crystal clear that she won't get in the way. which is good. fine. and now would be a good time for them to go their separate ways for the time being. he's sure she's had about enough of talking to him, too. ]
I think that wraps us up. I'll wait for your schedule and we'll see where we land.
no subject
[Clarke doesn't have a lot of experience with communication like this. Conversations tend to be abrupt, more exacting. There's a purpose to talking over a two-way device back home. It's to relay coordinates. Update about the movement of troops. And more.]
I'll give you that information as soon as I can.
[So ... who's going to end the call first?]
no subject
[ that'll be him - the feed cuts dead, and she's left alone again. ]