[ too often does he feel rudderless. after stumbling through dead bodies at their feet, after helping the living find their balance, even securing an arm around harper to help her back to camp, he had been upset with clarke for leaving without a word. even now, he feels he understands her better than most do, that while she had wanted the best possible outcome for the others, she chooses to shoulder the full guilt of the decision to pull the lever. he doesn't need to talk to her to know that.
he doesn't need to talk to her but he wants to.
before the mountain, they had some time to reconvene, to try to be the friends they once were. even if there is a place for him among the others in the new arkadia, no one can be clarke. and at the moment, clarke is all the family he has while an invisible wall stays standing between himself and his father.
he wants to talk to her about the break, how frightened he is for his dad's mental state. it feels as if no reason can reach him now that he has backed himself into a corner. with him having disappeared on his religious excursion, he doesn't wish to burden anyone else with his worries.
and he continues to hold onto them as he takes a deep breath and resists the urge to hug her in greeting. ]
Could've said goodbye, that's all.
[ he had seen her, just seconds before she turned away and walked through the gates of camp. it doesn't make him clench his fists, his arms remaining hanging at his sides. his hands are calloused from holding guns and knives lately, and he's stronger after all those sparring sessions with lincoln and the others. he stands before her not in that old blue jacket from their early days on earth, but in a guard uniform instead. it wasn't his first choice, but he felt he should contribute best this way.
when abby asked him to accompany her, he agreed without question. ]
no subject
he doesn't need to talk to her but he wants to.
before the mountain, they had some time to reconvene, to try to be the friends they once were. even if there is a place for him among the others in the new arkadia, no one can be clarke. and at the moment, clarke is all the family he has while an invisible wall stays standing between himself and his father.
he wants to talk to her about the break, how frightened he is for his dad's mental state. it feels as if no reason can reach him now that he has backed himself into a corner. with him having disappeared on his religious excursion, he doesn't wish to burden anyone else with his worries.
and he continues to hold onto them as he takes a deep breath and resists the urge to hug her in greeting. ]
Could've said goodbye, that's all.
[ he had seen her, just seconds before she turned away and walked through the gates of camp. it doesn't make him clench his fists, his arms remaining hanging at his sides. his hands are calloused from holding guns and knives lately, and he's stronger after all those sparring sessions with lincoln and the others. he stands before her not in that old blue jacket from their early days on earth, but in a guard uniform instead. it wasn't his first choice, but he felt he should contribute best this way.
when abby asked him to accompany her, he agreed without question. ]